• Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.


• Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


• Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


• Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."


• Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.


• Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.


• Set up a tent in the camping department & tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.


• When a clerk asks if they can help you begin crying and scream, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"


• Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.


• While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where the antidepressants are.


• Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.


• In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look by using different sizes of funnels.


• Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through it, yell "PICK ME! PICK ME!"


• When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume a fetal position and scream, "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"


• Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Things to do in a bathroom stall:

• Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"


• Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."


• Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.


• Say, "Damn, this water's cold."


• Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"


• Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."


• Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.


• Say, "Now how did that get there?"


• Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."


• Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"


• Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."


• Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"


• Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something ask, 'Do you want fries with that?'
• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it In.
• Put Decaf in the coffee maker for about three weeks. After everyone is over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso.
• In the Memo field of all your checks write 'For Sexual Favors.'
• Finish all your sentences with 'In Accordance With the Prophecy.'
• Dont use any punctuation when writing
• As often as possible skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what sex they are and laugh hysterically after they answer.
• Specify that your drive-thru order is 'To Go.'
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
• Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
• Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
• When the money comes out of the ATM scream, 'I Won! I Won!'
• When leaving the Zoo, start running to the parking lot screaming, 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'
• Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy we're going to have to let one of you go.'
• And the final way to maintain a healthy level of sanity: Send this on to someone to make them smile...It's called therapy.